April 3rd, 2024

Write raw. That's what's been suggested to me. Write raw. Write in the moment. Write it into the computer. And yknow what, I could get a lot more done this way.

So, the most important thing to know about me is that I live in fear of dying to COVID every day. This is what alienates me from most of the locals, and a lot of the world at large as well. You know you should be wearing KN95 or equivalent respirators, for that sweet 95% particle protection. See I didn't learn that until Oct 2023. For the three and a half years before that I only used reusable masks. That information really fucked me up, realising I was vulnerable that whole time, looking back at moments where I should've felt my body was off.

The thing about me is that when the news came out "new COVID variants are more contagious but have less sever symptoms" I immediately got the news from virologists that "hey it's actually MORE DANGEROUS when it's more contagious". I think we're seeing the effects of that now.

So I'm angry about how the CDC was bought out, and how the government would rather gamble on our wellbeing than pandemic-respond. Still, it's hard for me to talk about this, because guilt isn't praxis, but this isn't my praxis diary. I also hate opening up. I hate opening up. I hate admitting that I hate opening up. Why? Well, it's probably because I grew up distrusting my parents, I sought to hide as much as I could from them. Now as an adult, I associate opening up with being unsafe.

Everything I feel is exacerbated by the fact that someone could violate my body with a life ending virus. I wish I was free. I wish I was unrestrained. Would be nice to feel this way before dying. The other thing I want to do before I die is write something that I publish.

That's kinda all I feel like writing for now. If by chance anyone reads this and you actually want to take COVID safety to heart you should read the TLDR's by Pandemic Resistance Inc.

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