November 13th, 2024
I don't really have a place to talk about the things I love. Not like I'd do it here. Not yet at least.
I kinda forgot about the whole living closeted thing. I try to introduce my true self to psychiatrists and disability workers and such.
Being ashamed of my sexuality feels like shit. Wish being attracted to my friends felt easier.
It's been three years since I lost my childhood best friend now. Maybe I should just stop talking. It's not like I'm in environments where I'd speak aloud a lot. Maybe if I embrace being semiverbal I'll feel better.
Hm maybe I should stop saying I lost my childhood best friend. They left. All those years spent together meant nothing in the face of transmisogyny.
I wish stories felt like they mattered. At least I have it in me to watch Arcane and Invincible, maybe that'll spark something.
It's been a year since I thought I'd die to covid. Still wonder if I have brain damage though.
It's been weird hearing people vent about their feelings on climate change. I can't relate to the fear that the world will be unlivable in 15 years because I reckon I'll die much, much sooner.
With everything going on, I've had thoughts that maybe I could come out to my parents. As though, them being supporting of a trans daughter could make up for them neglecting my disability for years. Daughter. Daughter. Daughter. The way that word is spelt, I feel as though you could say it while vomiting and the sound would still come out clearly.
I wish I had a nurturing sexual partner. I wish life didn't feel so lost. Most of all, I wish certain people weren't making life so hard for me.