May 8th, 2024
I just remembered this one time years ago when I was browsing Kickstarter pages and I came across one that was called something like "Help me fund my dreams." I remember this woman wrote about how she felt limited in a wheelchair, and she talked about pursuing art as though it could make her happy but she wasn't super sure what exactly she wanted to do. And now I'm contemplating the one line from it that's clear in my mind, "By backing me, you're saying that you believe in me."
I wish I could find her again. I wish I could see where she is now. I didn't know it at the time but, I really see myself in her. Of course I can only make a version of her in my head that resonates with me.
I can honestly tell you that I was considering giving that woman my money. And now I'm crying.
Why did she make a Kickstarter? I don't think that's what you'd do if you had people in your life you could go to for encouragement.
What is my love if not the pursuit of happiness. What is my sexuality if not the pursuit of happiness. What are my kinks if not the pursuit of happiness. What is my gender if not the pursuit of happiness. What is a Kickstarter page that is only asking for you to say "I believe in you" if not the pursuit of happiness? Do you get what I'm saying?
I feel for the disabled woman who made a Kickstarter page asking for money for a project she wasn't sure of with confidence she didn't have. And she and I both have our own problems but I'm certain that isolation is one we share. There are three reasons I haven't abandoned this diary: To become more comfortable with sharing, to feel less alone, and to try and find myself. I hope I find these things. I hope that for all the disabled women of the world.