July 9th, 2024
Some days I think I'll never come out as a trans woman. Read this one girl's post about the different experiences she and her trans older sister went through. She didn't mean for her post to be about being a trans woman is hard, the point was that two trans women raised in the same home and going to the same college can have two different experiences, and how everyone has a story to tell that should be listened to intently. But I just keep thinking about how the girl who posted it was violently beat up in highschool resulting in permament damage to her teeth. And how she's banned from accessing her college's pride center and its resources because a cis woman accused her of something and got some college restraining order against her, and she has no idea what she was even accused of.
I looked into my past recently to try and understand what my 'lived male experience' was. Obviouly it wasn't that of someone performing peak masculinity, but it wasn't like I was shunned or considered a faggot for not doing that. Probably because I did repress my emotions. Being vulnerable makes you a faggot. I was just quiet. There was this one boy in highschool, probably the most toxically masculine I knew, who saw me as a sort of fledgeling. I suppose, when perceived as cis, I'm inbetween man and faggot, not disrespected all that much but not respected enough that people won't assume they know what's good for me.
I come back to the question, is that really such a bad way to live?